Merry Christmas, Y’all!

Luke 2:8-15 (Standard Redneck Version)[1]

“Amos, I done told you.  If ya lost one sheep, you sure as hell wouldn’t leave ninety-nine other ones to go look for it!” Hezekiah said.

“I don’t care!  I’d go get it out of the principle of the thing!  It’s my sheep, and I ain’t about to let it wander off!” Amos said indignantly.

“You wouldn’t know a principle if it reared up and bit you in the ass.”  Jonah snorted.

“THAT’S IT!  I’m tired of this!  I knew I shouldn’t’ve left my sycamore trees for sheep!  I’m out!” Amos said as he rose to storm out.  But when he did an angel came out a nowhere.  It was shinin’ and lookin’ like nuttin’ from this world.  Right off the bat, Amos started screamin’ bloody murder.

“Jonah get ya staff!  I knew we shouldn’t’ve come this close to Samaria!  Ain’t nuttin’ but weirdos and freaky shinin’ things come outta there!”  Hezekiah shouted.  Jonah got up with his staff and was about to knock the angel a good one when the angel raised his hands and spoke with a voice like nuttin’ you ever heard.

“Y’all calm down now!  It’s alright I’m from YHWH.” the angel said.  Amos kept on screamin’ like a fool, so Jonah slapped him ‘till he shut up.  “I got some good news for y’all!  Back in David’s hometown a Savior was born.  A Messiah I tell you!  THE LORD!  Y’all will know when you found him cause he’ll be a baby wrapped up in some rags in a cow trough.”

“I don’t know that I trust this joker, Jonah.  Babies get born all the time.  I don’t wanna leave the flock.  He probably just got into his daddy’s white lightnin’ and is outta his fool mind.” Hezekiah said.

“The white lightnin’ doin’ all those freaky lights too, Hezekiah?” Jonah asked sarcastically.  Amos whimpered.  Before Hezekiah could answer, a whole group of them angels came outta nowhere and started singin’ and dancin’ like they was at a gospel concert!

They said, “Glory!  I said glory to God in the highest!  Glory in the highest of heavens!  And peace be with all y’all on Earth!”

Then almost as soon as they got there, all of ‘em took outta there like a cat with its tail on fire.  After that, the shepherds looked at each other, and Jonah said, “Ohhhh we got to go to Bethlehem and see this s***!  YHWH told us, so we gotta go!”  So Jonah, Hezekiah, and Amos took off at a trot for Bethlehem.

Merry Christmas, y’all!

[1] This is just something I thought up this morning while I was cooking breakfast for the family.  I hope you all have a blessed Christmas.


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